Hellz Bellz, ya'll

I'm BACK!

The trip was great - the training sessions were very productive and I always enjoy meeting the employees and interacting with them face to face. I'm really happy that I've had the opportunity to continue being a part of bringing in new companies as well. Of course, I always try to improve and be more fluid about the training sessions.

I will say, it was a pain to travel with sick people (no, I didn't get sick) And even the healthy people were boring - no one wanted to go into the city and do anything fun after work. I'm pretty self sufficient, but wasn't up for riding the metro by myself into DC. - the one thing I'm sorry I missed out on was watching the lighting of the White House christmas tree. *pout*

The flights were extremely comfortable this go around - I had an entire row in Economy plus all to myself on the way home. I curled up with "Breaking Dawn" and ate left over chicken strips in peace - I even stretched my legs out on the seats beside me.

It sure is nice to be home. J was all smiles and hugs at the airport - he hasn't been more than ten feet away from me since I got home on Friday night. LOL. What a GOOBER.

;-)

*jingle*jingle*

Four days. Almost at an end.

I'm sitting in my freshly x-mas'd living room watching the last disc of Buffy S4. I think this is my fav season, with the budding Willow & Tara luv and the Riley Finn muscles. I started off by pulling "Pangs" and haven't bothered to stop my progress.

It seems like the weekend has flown by, and I'm staring down the clock for yet another business trip to D.C. - I'm making my list and checking it twice. I have an awesome opportunity to gain some ground for my career and in this economy, I'll take all the ops I can get.

Thanksgiving was relaxing. Jeff and I enjoyed the spaghetti; even though I used buffalo with the Italian Sausage. yum yum!

The decorating helped get rid of some of the scroogisms I was spouting in my previous post. Putting out all the pictures of the kids and hanging their childlike artistic ornaments cheered me in a fabulous way. Even my teeny little silver tinsel tree looks smashing!

I'm outta here, "Yoko Factor" is on!

What do you have on your Santa list?

I hate the holidays

After almost 10 years of miserable stress and whining - I've finally given up any interest in the holiday season.







For the most part, I simply just realize that getting excited over nothing is downright stupid.

1. I'm not spiritually invested in "Christmas"
2. I'm not five, there won't be a pile of presents under any tree
3. My kids are teen agers and haven't been with me for the holidays for years
4. My house is tiny so a tree would be insanity (let's not forget I have FIVE cats)
5. Decorating for just me and Jeff is a waste of time
6. Money is even tighter than it always is, thanks to the economy
7. The only white-bearded man in my house is NO jolly freaking elf
   

I'm alive and I have a job. Those are my high points of focus these days.

The only thing I want this year is to have enough dough to fly my youngest son out for two weeks. I hope Santa helps me out, I've been pretty damned good - considering the circumstances.

Random Update

First - for those of you that think I'm heartless about my sister and nephew - I totally found a "PC" way to explain things about the past.... and he's happy to have a clear answer. We've been emailing back and forth and have a lot in common. He sounds like a good kid.... I actually think he might have been better off for the life he's lived.

Silver linings happen when least expected, everything happening with my nephew renewed my interest in plotting my family tree - and I hit the jackpot on the Metis side of my mom's heritage. When I contacted my tribe about registering my two sons, luck touched me and the email I sent was received by (what turned out to be) a distant cousin of mine. She sent my family geneology chart that has been tracked back to the 1600's.

This weekend was Jeff's 42nd birthday - and it was nice and mellow. We lit the fireplace for the first time over the weekend and I did a lot of cooking and baking. The cake was amazing :) His gift this year: A vintage Amber Vistalite drum kit.

I have tons to do at work today. Later, taters.

PS: I think Grey's Anatomy "Jumped the Shark" with Izzy's storyline... how hokey, a Denny-ghost???????

Frikkin Crazy-A** Family

My sister's long lost (abandoned) 25 year old first son has finally made contact with me.

Thanks to the ultra lackluster response my nephew recieved from my drunken hag of a sister - he has turned to me for answers.

Now, those of you that know me are aware of how honest and blunt I can be. I'm not a fan of ass kissing or beating around the bush.

There is no NICE way to say "Your dad was an abusive hillbilly bootlegger and your mom took your sister and left you there so she wouldn't be killed."

Obviously, the life situation for my sister has degraded - we had a rough go of a childhood and she's never sought any treatment. Last time I spoke with her was on her 40th birthday. She drunk dialed me and I told her to go to therapy. Maybe she's consumed by guilt?

Let me be clear - my sense of charity for Terri started waning when she left her son - but when she cut off communication with my disabled mother, kicked her kids out to live with their fathers (she has four kids by three different men) and took off with some guy she'd met six week earlier - I called it quits. I've got lots of reasons to harbor serious disdain.

I'm waiting for her to call me and tell me what an ass I am for being honest about what she told our family 25 years ago when she left North Carolina.

Just in time for the holidays.

Woo.

Smart Move

Gimme all your chocolate and no one gets hurt!

Happy Halloween!!!

So I took the opportunity today to wear my bellydance garb into the office. Now, I know this might be taboo for some - I respect the serious artistic dancers out there... but I work for the STUFFIEST company in town, so when I get the opportunity to grasp a little fun in the office I don't hesitate.

Most challenging item on my outfit? I tried my hand at a turban. It is bright blue silk and it turned out pretty awesome, even though it was my first try! A turba-virgin???

It was also tricky to find something to wear under my choli so my skin isn't exposed - so I put on a tan tank top and put a sticky gem where my belly button is... and then put a black fishnet top over it. My bellybutton keeps migrating when I move!

At least I've been a bad influence on the new girl... she's dressed as a NUN! Such a scream - her costume is amazing - I even found her a big wooden ruler to threaten people with! :-)

My pal Nancy is Nefertiti as a mummy, love the headpiece, she's wearing a white flowing gown with "spiderweb" sheer stuff over it.

We've also got some football jerseys running around... and my boss is an old cowboy sherriff... I told him to wear his star badge every day!

We've also got Happy Bunny, and a wizard! I'll post a group picture when everyone shows up for the pot-luck.

I love Halloween!

What are you wearing??????

Here we go, Again.

I have nothing to report except complete madness.

Sorry I was absent last week - I was sick with a head cold, I even missed dance class. I figured it was safter to avoid spinning since I was already having trouble walking. Every time I blew my nose I swear I could see stars and hear little birds twittering around my head.

J and I spent the weekend holding a yard sale - $300 for our trouble, not bad at all! Got rid of some junk that we didn't need - tons of VHS movies and books, old furniture - stuff we didn't want to repack or carry back into the house.

This week promises to be just as crazy as last week. I'm heading to Colorado this weekend to help my mother move into a handicapped-equipped apartment. She's going to have to get her other hip replaced soon and her doctor told her no more stairs under any circumstances - the danger of her falling is too great. So I'll be gone until Wed of next week.

We got free tickets to go see Metallica on Thursday. Woo.

and I just found out I'm heading back to our East Coast offices in early November (AGAIN).

Why is my life so crazy these days? Jeez-Louise.

xo

Rockin'

Getting Better, Getting Worse

Dance class this evening was a lot tougher than last week, and last week I was just purely lost. Of course I realized at the end the only reason I could breathe last week was because Flo was sick. She's really great, and has a wonderful ability to speak to her entire group of students and keep a personal connection.

At least I knew most of the moves going in to tonight's class. I still got super-dizzy trying to keep up the speed for my turns. I've been practicing the combos for a week but I'm considerably slower so I don't kill myself. Note to self: Pick faster music to practice to.

Before you ask, YES, I try to "spot" during my turns - at home I'm gold, in the studio both walls are mirrored. Go ahead, chuckle at the image... I'll wait.

.......

Feel better? Yeah, me too. I laugh those things off. The first few classes I took I got really frustrated when I couldn't keep up, but tonight I only had to stop when I felt too dizzy. That's a huge improvement over last week.

My foot is very angry with me at the moment. I need to build up strength for relevet footing and it is going really slowly. If the top of my right foot has a lovely sharp pain followed by a dramatic throb. We tend to drill to the right more often than the left, so I'm a little out of balance. By the end of the class I had to flat foot and keep up with the twists and turns.

On the bright side I think that my shimmies and hip movements are improving. It is hard for me to multitask the isolated upper movements yet - practice practice practice. I can actually see musculature in my upper abs when I dance now. I practice my belly rolls in the car on the way to work and back - I've gotten some laughs at stop lights but I just blow a kiss and get moving again. ;-)

My arms only started to droop at the end of class, and my stamina is better too~!!

I've been watching Dancing With the Stars every week - I found some inspiration for my musicality and arm fluidity - Brooke Burke has really amazed me with her posture and grace. It may sound silly to some people but that show helped me gain the courage to get out and take a class for myself and I'm really glad that I did. You can check out some of the vids from this season HERE. I've watched this show since season 3 and I absolutely adore it.

OK, that's it for tonight - I'm off to the showers!

xo

Song of the short-waisted

Oh, sweet sorrow - I am doomed to be plauged with a body shape that pains me so!

I'll never be tall and slinky looking when I dance
... unless I'm twee, which will (most likely) never be!

My belleh looks like it ain't movin
... even when I'm groovin!

~~~~~~

wOO hOO~ two in one week

I can usually field all the weirdness in my life with the skill of semi-pro shortstop... but today life took a really weird bounce on me.

The concern level I have for my mother has been elevated since my last visit to Colorado - mom's old hip isn't holding up, and so her bionic hip is starting to fail from the added stress of over compensating. Today her doctor told her that she's no longer allowed to climb up and down the two concrete stairs outside of her apartment - it is simply too dangerous without a hand rail.

She spoke with her land lord and she's eligible for a handicapped apartment that is coming available on the 17th of October - so the mad dash to get my disabled mom packed when she's 427 miles away is on my mind.

Maybe I'll get to steal a squeeze from SarBear when I head back up in a few weeks. Even though she ignores me and avoids me when I'm in Denver.....

Yes, I'm still alive

Sorry I've been absent lately. I was told very recently that my blog has been lacking, so here I am.

I've just been really busy, and I realize that my blog just really isn't a point of focus. I'm not the same person that I was when I started my old blog years ago - I've worked through the old issues that used to plague me, and now my days are filled with more than sitting alone with my computer feeling perplexed about the universe.

The universe still poses lots of new challenges but my approach to learning has changed.

Over the last couple of months I've done a lot of travel for work - work, in general, has dominated the majority of my time. We've finished another ERP migration and are gearing up for another. I expect to head back to the east coast yet again before the end of the year. I've got a good bit of pending configuration coming up, and I'm due for SQL Report training week after next.

I've also spent time traveling for personal reasons. I've been back and forth from Colorado, the latest trip up was for Jeff's sister's wedding. I'm unsure what this season's family schedule is like.
Tomorrow night I re-start with some dance classes. Unfortunately this area of enjoyment has suffered greatly due to my other life demands. I'm looking forward to getting myself back into class; my foot seems to be stronger and I'm ready to get moving.

Jeff's band has slowed down to one gig a month (thankfully), Deadreckoning was averaging two, sometimes three gigs a month recently and that can be demanding. I will always be supportive of the band, but it gets tough to make it out to all the gigs. Two weeks from now the guys are playing a weekend at Malarky's. I skipped out on the last gig at Molly's so I'm good to go.

I don't make close friends easily - I'm pretty guarded thanks to the psychotic tendencies of the women in my past. I've come to know a woman at work fairly well - she's come out to a few gigs and to some parties that Jeff and I have thrown over the summer. This new friendship has opened my world to new experiences; my new friend Kelcy is very active in the equestrian community here in Albuquerque. Today I attended my first Hunter / Jumper competition, the 20th Annual Equestrian Cup & 2008 Wine & Food Tasting.

I was pleasantly surprised at how exciting the jumping can get - when you take into consideration how tall a horse is, and pair that with a Five foot leap into the air to clear a obstacle... this is not a sport for the faint of heart and I enjoyed the show. Kelc is a horse trainer, she owns four of her own and she's been after me to come out to the barn and meet her "girls" and has been urging me to take a couple of lessons... after today, I'm seriously considering it! I'm going to meet her this Friday for "happy hour" at the barn - which consists of hanging out and drinking a couple of beers while enjoying the balmy evenings in lovely Corrales.

My guitar has claimed quite a bit of my free time lately as well, what precious time I have in the evenings is spent with the Martin; my living room has morphed into the secondary music room. With the addition of the piano in the main music room we've had to expand. I bought a new Soundgear Bass a few weeks ago and Jeff has been teaching me how to play a bit.

With school on hold I'm back to a transition phase to alone time after work thanks to Jeff's late work schedule. I like the solitude, but I'm really looking forward to dance classes and enjoying my Thursday night TV again. Yay! Grey's Anatomy looks promising - I enjoyed the first show of the season last week. I also picked up the Lego Batman PS2 this weekend and I'm tickled about that. (I know, you are thinking "oooh, hardcore! Lego!" ... yeah baby, that's how I roll)

Balloon Fiesta starts on October 4th - stay tuned for pictures!!

So that's it for me - I'll really try to post more often!

xoxoxo :)

noodle arms

After last night's class, I realized that my dance instructor has been tricky!!

She's been taking it easy on us newbies!! (Bless her)

My arms feel like they are going to fall off today... and my butt is still aching from all the shimmys.

I realize I wouldn't be whining unless I was hiddeously out of shape. Yeah, yeah.. I love cookies.

UPDATE: It is now THURSDAY, and I finally got the feeling back in my right arm. WOOT!

"Faith"

I'm wrong so very often. But the older I get, the less I dwell on my mistakes.

Tonight I had dinner and drinks with a friend, someone that I lost touch with for a little while. Our lives were not in the right phase to really interact with one another, and so we didn't talk for a while.

She's a pretty spiritual person - always driving for answers, looking beyond to really figure out "what's going on??!!"

During our first margarita (Grand Gold, TYVM) I asked her what Faith looked like to her. Her immediate reply was "Oh, it's corny!" and I waved my hand in reply. Shortly thereafter she said - "it is the KNOWING. The secure idea that some greater power out there realllllly knowwwwws me."

Fair enough.

But then I pondered a moment; "Then why are we only truly omnipotent for ourselves? 'We' are the only ones that know our thoughts and feelings at any given time... and yet, we have such little faith in ourselves."

It was pretty quiet at our dinner table until the second round of margaritas arrived.

TGI Friday... I guess

Friday's are the worst day for me at work. My phone rings off the hook and I'm made aware of every mistake that I've made during the previous week. For me, Fridays are the 20/20 hindsight slap to the forehead.

I guess it pushes me harder to try and be better - which is why I just got ANOTHER sizable quarterly bonus. Yet, I'm sure - by 9:00 this morning I'll be contemplating jumping out my fifth floor window.

At least they got me a headset so I can take all the calls without sprouting a hunchback.

Happy Mother's Day

imgage courtesy of the fabulous work at
www.lorenadams.com

Whole lotta shakin'

Today promises to be jam-packed with all sorts of activity! Woo!

Maybe I'm being a little "glass half full" with the "woo" I added just now.

I'm already late for work (and blogging, what does that tell you about my motivation to actually GET to work?)
I have another check run to issue today, for all the people that are having financial difficulty (who isn't?!?) and can't wait until next week for funds.
I'm starting lessons with a new guitar instructor today.
J has a gig tonight
& the gig will double as a co-worker's birthday party.

This list of activity might sound fabulous to some people, but this is normal madness for my life. At least I don't have toddlers!!! *GASP* ugh, I can't imagine having small children ever again.

I like my kids, truly! Love em to bitty pieces. Damn, I'm glad they are teenagers. I've got great kids, all three :)

Ash is trying her dad's patience right now, but what 18 year old girl doesn't? I'm secretly kind of proud of her for starting to try and find her way in the world. Yeah, she's being a little nut about it, but she's OK.

K-man has his first job. Can you believe it? He's MALE and WORKING.... like, all willingly and stuff- and he's still on the honor roll.

Cheese is going more emo these days, the boy has a black and white picture of fully blooming roses on his facebook *chuckle* I think he's got a new girlfriend. He's got straight A's in school and doing well :)

And I'm just rollin along.....

ps: I didn't give J exploding foot fungus. He redeemed himself last night by taking me out for pancakes. I *heart* pancakes, see - but I don't eat them often. Pancakes are my sushi.

Wounded Toe

Last night I was intent on a task, strolling barefoot through the house and I came into sharp realization as to how treacherous it is to live with a drummer.

I walked right into one of J's drum thrones.

Now, for those of you that aren't familiar with drum equipment, let me sum up by saying it is commonly referred to as "Hardware". My toe agrees that this nomenclature is accurate.

I don't think it is broken, but it certainly still smarts on top. There is a weensy red mark, but it belies the agony! Oh, cruel world, deny me not the vision of suffering that torments my soul!

Super cute shoes though, eh? Fifteen bucks!!

Going Fishing, 29g Community tank

This is "my" tank for the most part. I really like the 29g size, you can put together a decent landscape and the water parameters are a breeze. Here in New Mexico the water naturally tends to be hard, the pH runs on average around 7.8 - 8.0; so by adding some natural elements to the water you can get really great results. Environment is fairly simple; just a couple of pieces of driftwood, miscellaneous hard grasses, sword plants, Java moss & fern (natural sunlight simulation "green light"). Filtration is a Penguin 200 bio-wheel, and a little bubble bar just for kicks. The substrate is a medium pebble gravel, and petrified wood. The substrate is not as natural (brown) as the 55 - I actually like the look of this better ;-) Since the volume is medium sized, I have a colorful little assortment of easy care critters. I have various (all brightly colored and varied species) swordfish and platys, a rainbow shark, spotted mollies, an iridescent gourami, and assorted algae eaters. Easy and fun, this tank is located in my home office. In my humble opinion, this is still the prettiest tank in the house. J would argue, but DUH that's his JOB.

ps: this tank taught me that you need to soak the snot out of your wood before putting it in the tank, even if the tag says otherwise. I had tea-colored water FOREVER. oh well, it was a learning experience that helped J with the 55 so it was worth it in the end.

Going Fishing, 55g Community Tank

You'll have to excuse the blurry picture - I don't have a setup that properly captures the various aquaria living in the tank. This is the "big fish" tank since the smallest critters are two half-dollar sized tiger barbs and the largest is a pleco, I think he's almost 8" by now. He's a gorgeous boy... in a creepy sort of way. I've also got a silver dollar that is about the diameter of the palm of my hand, and a pair of bala sharks that are almost 7", two Angels and three Gouramis; each ranging around 4". There are other fish in the tank, but they are going to be relocated to the 20gLong when the cichlids are moved. Keep in mind, all of these huge fish were purchased at adolecent age and have grown beautifully :) (I'm particularly proud of the sharks since I've had them since they were tiny and they lived in my first 20g tank) The substrate here in the 55 is natural pea-gravel, very smooth. Natural plants, petrified wood, and driftwood. J could tell you more about the filtration on this tank - I know he's got a powerhead for the undergravel filter, as well as a whisper somethingorother. This tank is located in our livingroom, and it is so nice to sit and watch a movie with just the light of the TV and the tank. Makes for a very snuggly-wuggly evening! I wholeheartedly suggest any single couple investing in a fish tank or eight.

Passion? Obsession?

Have I told you that I love fishtanks?

Last year for Valentine's day, J bought me this 20g standard tank - and since I had very little experience with aquariums; the tank quickly became known as "the tank of mysterious death". Of course now I know that I didn't let the tank go through its various stages of growth (Nitrogen bloom, algae bloom) to establish the biological filter that fishies love so much. This tank has been lovingly re-named "the Goddess tank"

I love the blue colors, but Jeff cringed at all the tacky stuff I got when I set this up. What can I say, it was my first tank in a long time and I was having fun!?!

Anytime that I learn something new, I jump in with both feet. After I moved in, the Aquarium collection grew. Now there is a 55g community tank, a 30g goldfish tank, two 29g tanks (one is a community tank and the other is a new setup.. I'll talk about that one in a later post), a 20g long tank with malawi cichlids (I didn't know much about them at first, which is why I now have a 29g in setup - another 55 will be in the future since these fish are breeding like mad), my 20g standard is a community tank, and finally, three 10g tanks (one is a quarantine tank for new fishies, one has three divisions and bettas in all, and the other is a swordtail tank).

Pictures will follow. You decide if I'm the crazy old lady down the street with a million fishtanks....

xo

One down, One to go

A is for Algebra!

I'm still working on my US History final, so if anyone wants to share their insight on the Wilmot Proviso of 1846.... or how the three phases of reconstruction (1863 - 1877) were contested....

in other news, I now have a gold tooth.

**UPDATE - I got an A in my US History class as well. Yay on me!!!

Allllllmost

One more week and I'm done with the semester. In fact, I'm done until fall. I'm too old for summer school. I need down time.

Work is continuing on the trend of being high speed and demanding. I can't wait until all the config bugs are worked out. Today I've got a meeting with the head of our Data Integration team. I'm peeved with the entire effort, but I'll get a chance to put my concerns on the table and she's already confirmed via telly that she'll make the effort to right the wrongs so I can get the department running again. She's flying out from our Corporate HO in the DC area - she sounds really intelligent and professional. Can't wait to meet her.

Interviews are continuing with mad abandon. I'm thrilled! I can't wait to train new people for my team :)

The IT calls are still rolling on in, lasting an hour at a time. I'm working like mad to get the resolution time down - not because I have goals on timing, just because I'd like to have more time to do my other duties. You know, my full time job of audit. LOL. I just don't trust the help tickets to be resolved by anyone else yet. I know that my boss will call me or forward me items he doesn't have the answer to, which I actually appreciate. He doesn't have a huge ego to get in the way. He's confident and smart, but he's also got decent delegation skills (strange for a Middle Manager, but I'm thankful for this part of my job relationship with him).

Gonna go drink coffee and watch my man mow the lawn. That domestic stuff he does really lights my fire!

me no workie!

I'm supposed to be writing a paper for my US History class - but I just can't seem to get myself to get started.

I'm seriously procrastinating these days. I'm just now feeling human again after such a long period of illness; work has been so intense lately - the new software configuration and conversion and go live - travel to DC on business - end of fiscal year close this week, paired with the new org structure.

I'm just frikkin BEAT.

I can't (for the life of me) even recall why in the hell I decided to go back to school in the first place. I've got a set career - I won't be a millionaire, that's for sure... but I make a decent little living. What else is there? Why run run run towards a goal that won't even pay off if I stay with my current position. I'm already up for a freepin promotion because I bust my butt to get things done, and get them done right.

To these thoughts I say a hearty "yeargh!" and sigh.

I'm not a historical figure, I don't have a huge impact on society or the world as a general rule... what is this all about? Who, exactly, am I trying to impress? I don't mean to sound crass, but I'm already pretty happy with who I am and all that I've accomplished. Yes, the degree makes a difference to people that don't know me. But do I care about people that don't know me? Do I care if I have big mortgage on some house, a new car or fancy bangles? Not really. I do care about having "enough" for the basics (which I do have, and have had for seventeen years now.)

I've raised three kids on my salary. I have enough to travel when I want to, pay my bills, buy some new jeans whenever I want them, get pedicures... I'm really OK with my salary. I don't believe that anything in this economy is permanent, in fact - quite the opposite. But I just don't have the drive towards having to live for gobs of cash.

I'm moving towards some self-realization... and my point here?

I'm being lazy and I don't want to do my homework.

*tee hee*

To be young again

.... would be the worst fate I could ever imagine.

Saturday I celebrated my 37th Birthday. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and family.

It was a great weekend, my dear friend Sarah came down from Denver to spend some time with me - and I appreciate that so much! Not many people have bothered to take the trip down to visit me (it is always easier for them to let me do all the traveling, I suppose) but Sar was a good sport and endured the GRUELLING one hour dualprop ride from Denver to Albuquerque... and I treated her with a Friday night visit to Urgent Care. Hey, I KNOW how to entertain my guests! LOL.

It turns out I have quite the nasty case of Bronchitis. I've been fighting an upper respiratory ailment for a month now (It started when I was in D.C. on a business trip) and the doctor decided it was time to load me up with antibiotics and a cough syrup concoction that would take down an elephant.

Alas, Sar was a doll and she put up with my sickiness. She totally mommed me. heh. But I got myself up and we had a nice afternoon strolling around Old Town, and we played video games and ate great food :) Saturday night I treated my pals to pizza and everyone else had to drink in my honor, since I couldn't join in with the boozin.

I was threatened with bodily harm if I didn't stay home from work today - so here I am, my lappy is VPN'd in and I'm working FROM HOME. I've only conferenced in to one meeting and I didn't promise not to do that. (so THERE!) But, I'm in my sweats and my bronco hoodie so I'm happy... well, and the drugged out version of my cough syrup helps.

The Simple Life

Ah, what I wouldn't give for a nice long stretch of time to sit and play my guitar.

My days are filled with glaring fake light, the drone of office talk, people and their agendas...

I just want some warmth. Rich & sweet, the depth of the chords and the honey thick melody. My fingers ache for the burn. The callouses never seem to fade; the hard reminder of better times.

I wonder sometimes, is it just the guitar?

Is the instrument the one with the soul?

Maybe the strings are mine, and the magic that moves me is something that I can't fully embrace yet.

...and I thought a c-chord was difficult to grasp.

Is dad part of this? Is this finally the bond, now that he's been dead for 18 years? Is this life I feel part of who he was?

Just say when and where

As my birthday draws ever more near, I tend to get a little focusy on the previous 12 months. This year has been quite the melting pot of bubbling activity... and I can't say that the result has been an mm-mmm tasty treat of thrilling proportions.

I've been at the same job for about a year and a half now, and I'm currently smack dab in the middle of a major software implementation. I say middle, even though our go-live was last Monday. I just spent four months on configuration and pilot testing (and training myself as the Expense System Administrator) The next six months are going to be spent de-bugging v8.0 and listening to the constant ringing of my phone.

Ten years ago, I never expected my career in Accounting to bring me to a place where I'm troubleshooting IT issues five days a week (or more). Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of where I am and of the things I've learned and accomplished - but I think the biggest part of my hesitation is that I don't have any formal IT training - but I'm armed with enough intelligence to really grab ahold of this project and OWN it. I'm up for a promotion, and I should have a call on the matter within a few weeks.

The last year with my living situation has seen it's ups and downs - totally normal, and not astounding. I guess I'm just disappointed that I'm still in the same boat with some old issues that could have been avoided. Maybe next year I'll learn how to say no and do without some of the pleasures that I should be getting help with. I believe that life should be filled with lots of good things - you can't take money with you when you go - but at the same time, I don't like being the only person reaching for the check at the end of a meal. Maybe a sense of feminist equality is too much for some people, I'd be happy with equal "billing", myself. Nothing more, nothing less. That's fair in my mind. I can wholeheartedly say that I don't live beyond my own means.

School has not yet kicked my ass to the curb - but this semester I had to break it on down to only six credit hours. Nine and twelve like the last three semesters were just too much during the software conversion. US History (Pre-19th century) and Algebra rule my life three days a week. Well, five if you count the investment in homeworkiness. I'f I'm not working, I'm studying or in class... or sleeping. That's my life these days. Not much room for enjoyment or frivolity.

This blogging situation has been a source of MIGHTY controversy for me in the past. I'm pretty hesitant to go into specifics here about anything other than how I personally feel about matters in my life. I'm going to try and keep the speculation of the intent and focus of other people to an absolute minimum. I'm also going to keep the topics online with current events - how I see the world around me.

My sweetie-pie-honey-bunny-pseudo-girlfriend is coming for a visit this weekend! I'mma have a BLONDE AMAZON for my birthday!

Eat THAT, Bitchez.

Oh, for the love of....

...little green men!

Fine. I'll blog.

You win.

But there will be NO bitching about the things I write, you hear me????

I mean it!